Gilson Marcon de Souza
The
dark room with grimy walls and plaster boards detaching from the cement
pillars, gave off a characteristic odor of mold and mildew. The continuous smoke of burning tobacco amid hundreds of cigarette butts permeated the entire environment, tunirng the thick air into an acid and suffocating atmosphere. The fug of smoke and burned tobacco could even hurt the
sensitive nostrils of whoever dared to enter that smelly and infectious
environment.
A wet
cardboard plate, lying on the cold ground and covered with some musty and
threadbare pillows, served both as a bed and a sofa. It was there that Ranny
slept, ate and worked. It was there where he spent most of his time laid
back, reading a book, science fiction preference, but also quantum physics,
string theory, parallel universes, standard model, subatomic particles,
near-death experiences, out of body experiences, vampires, goblins, elves,
modern superheroes, manga, anime and particle accelerators. Ranny, however,
felt extremely frustrated for not knowing enough math, especially the
equations, without which he could not work on his new project and perfect
himself on the C ++.language
Ranny did not feel totally satisfied with his projects, except for the success
he had been achieving in memorizing so many alphabets as he could. He had
memorized the Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic, Arabic, Cyrillic alphabets, not to mention
thousands of Chinese ideograms, cuneiform characters, Egyptian and Maya
hieroglyphs. In principle, he did not find much use in learning these
writing systems, but over time he realized that this knowledge could help him tolearn these languages and was confident that this intellectual exercise
certainly was already helping him as he progressed in his algorithm to develop
a both intergalactic and interdimensional search engine. So far, the
preliminary results and customized filters were in his favor.
Ranny
was a hyperpolyglot and could communicate with several friends around the
world via Web. That is what he enjoyed doing in the hours he was not working as
an online trier of games and video games. He just did not like to wait for the
answers of his virtual counterparts. He felt extremely awkward to let
people waiting for several minutes for the answers. He thought they should
turn to red, or rather; they should leave their nicknames in red, if they
were not willing to chat. Let them stay red, signaling they were busy, or
yellow, if they were absent. He just hated it and decided to delete all
his virtual friends who did not follow such basic rule of chat etiquette.
His
dream was to buy a virtual reality glasses and be able to test the 3D gaming
environment, but he would have to save many bitcoins from the websites that
offered small tasks in order to get one.
Ranny
felt hungry; he needed to eat something before leaving, because he had already
planned a tour to the store of electronic gadgets several weeks in
advance. He had been planning it meticulously: which streets should he take;
which corners should he avoid; in which dark alley should he hide himself in
case he was observed by some person; what should be the best escape route in
this case, and even which clothes should he wear. Weeks of planning. Nothing
should go wrong: he could not be seen by anyone at all. So he set aside a
black overcoat; a striped suspender; a t-shirt, also black, with no pattern
that could draw attention to it; a pair of boots, similar to that of the
cowboys and long shorts, enough to cover his slender legs right below his
knees, but showing his shins.
He was
somewhat stooped, perhaps by years of activity at the computer and already with
a little protruding abdomen, but his legs were still strong. He was not a
lover of hiking, but as a child he liked to practice jumps. He even won a medal
for the first place in high jumps at school and another medal for the second
place in long jumps. It is true that he cared about his health, so he
decided to cut some pizzas and burgers and to keep on practicing jumps, even
indoors.
Close
to be twenty-two years old, he thought
he should start caring for himself; so he decided to cut some carbs and eat
more protein and keep practicing jumps - quit smoking and drinking coffee, chips
and snacks would come later.
The
house, or rather the den where he lived, worked and ate, was full of wirers, so
that one of the tasks that preoccupied his attention the most was to carefully
separate the web of wires of that true tangle of cables, tips, plugs, sockets,
extensions. He did not understand this mystery, that is, as he got up to
answer the phone or go to the bathroom, when he returned the wires were already
full of knots and loops ̶ completely entangled. Sometimes he even imagined that
the wires and cables had own life and tangled purposely just to let his boring
life even more difficult. There were dozens of them: wires of the
batteries, of mice, of keyboards, of earphones, of video games, amid so many
other cables and adapters of several types. If he did not arrange them in
the most perfect order, it would be impossible to identify correctly which
device such cable or wire belonged to. So, sorting out and separating each
end with its respective equipment was a tedious but necessary task.
Ranny
did not want to go through the inconvenience of having to go out to buy a new
cable or wire to replace some one that could have been ruptured by any
unexpected twist. A broken wire implied a new foray into the streets, and
Ranny employed every effort to never ever have to leave home. But this time it
was inevitable: a full soda glass had fallen across the keyboard and just did
not damage the internal components of his notebook thanks to the precise jump
he made, holding it precisely before all that liquid spilled all over and made
an even bigger mess. But there was no way out: the solution was buying at least
one external keyboard to continue his work. Besides that, it was already
in his plans to buy also a laser pointer.
Ranny was
eager to reproduce the double slit experiment and needed a laser
emitter. He could not understand why on earth the waives did not collapse
when someone was observing the experiment in the videos he had seen. It
should not be this way: if there were somebody observing, the standards should
be of particles and not of waves. That intrigued him and he would be
thoughtful for hours. He needed to understand this process because he had
managed to intercept several words in his search engine. He knew that his
algorithm was working, since the results were within a logical pattern and
followed a binary code. All he had to do was assigning a sound for each
symbol that was being formed, and he was close to unravel that. The
program he had developed to try to assign phonemes, vowels and consonants to
binary codes worked a few times, and he had noted patterns that indicated a
logical sequence of a language, but he was intrigued because, like in the
double slit experiment, he could only get a message when he was observing the
experiment, and it never occurred while his program was running by itself.
It was
time to leave; the store would be closed, but Lepo promised to be there to keep
the boxes of electronic products on the counters, even after the working
hours. All Ranny had to do was knocking at the door and identifying himself. Lepo
had given his word that he would be inside the store to arrange the goods.
Now
Ranny needed to eat something. He was hungry. He needed to eat
something and urinate. Ranny never left home if he did not do
that. He went to the toilet and made sure he had urinated
completely. He could not help expelling even a drop of urine - he just
could not. First, because he did not want to endure the embarrassment to
urinate on his pants if he went through some kind of threatening situation;
second, because he did not want to infect anyone with his urine.
There
was not any slice of pizza left over at all. There was no package of
crisps and snacks either. This problem was not so important, since he
could order those stuffs through the smartphone or the Internet without having
to leave, but he needed to eat something. Ranny stepped back, put on his
ninja hood and his sunglasses and almost fell down when he stumbled on the RPG
board. He regained his balance, stared at the wall and jumped abruptly, however
precisely, and turned back, rubbing his stomach with an air of satisfaction and
with his maw half open, still swallowing half a cricket, whose shrill wings
stopped quivering and waned until the whole bug was totally swallowed and Ranny
not even chew it. It was his lucky day, because with two or three jumps,
he managed to capture an inattentive moth and a juicy brown cockroach with his
huge distended tongue.
He was
feeling almost ready to leave, and then he walked to the door, put his hand on
the rustic wooden bar of a strong, well-equipped and firm latch, and yanked it
several times. He would put his hand on the well-locked door latch, force
it and return to the starting position again. The door did not break open
until he remembered of an extra shim he had firmly tucked under it ̶ but a
force seemed to push him back. He tried several times, crisscrossed his fingers
in front of his lips, took a deep breath for several seconds and rehearsed a
new departure, but turned back to the computer: he had this idea of trying to
leave the program running once more while he was gone. He glared his eyes on
the screen and typed in a search field: "message to mankind."
Ranny
was an accomplished typist, and the answer came almost at the same speed with
which he was able type, but in a helical pattern resembling a DNA strand,
although with binary sequence pairs only. Ranny felt a chill going through his
spine. It seemed to be a clear message this time. Now he just needed
to enter the codes in his program and wait for the conversion. Suddenly,
thousands of zeros and ones began to frantically dance on the screen, until
finally a sequence of what seemed to be a pair of words was forming. It
did not take a long time for Ranny to understand that it was a language.
He just had to enter the result in a phoneme library, and the outcome finally
appeared before his watchful eyes: ME PHOBEISTHE.
A
mixture of curiosity and satisfaction almost made him forget that it was time
to leave and he could no longer delay his egress, but his thoughts were almost
all dedicated to the meaning of those
terms that had just appeared on the screen of his computer. Ranny wanted
to light a cigarette ̶ he always did that as a celebration rite
whenever he felt he had made some achievement, such as beating an opponent in a
game or RPG or finishing any major program, like writing a book or a website
review ̶ but there was no more cigarettes. He rummaged through the pockets of
various clothes and tried to find a cigarette lost somewhere, but all he could
find was a rather moldy and wrinkled butt, however he did not hesitate to light
it and took advantage to deeply inhale some smoke that cigarette piece could
still produce.
He was
eager to continue his research; all he had to do was entering the terms in a
common search engine and assesing the results. He no longer could wait to leave.
He was extremely punctual and did not tolerate even seconds of delay. But he
still had time to close several windows on the screen of his computer,
including multiple sites exhibiting cosplay and hentai images. Ranny looked at
some hentai pictures with hungry eyes, but he decided that definitely was not
time for lustful thoughts.
As
soon as he finally could open that massive door, his heart raced, he felt
cramps, tremors; his face began to sweat, his hands were shaking and his lips
lost color. Ranny thought about aborting his plans, but if he ever did
that, he could not proceed with his research. It seemed his skull sides
were being crushed by an unbearable pressure. His temple seemed to be compressed
by a tremendous force. Ranny had the impression that every time he left home he
was shrinking, or else people were growing. He felt sick and anxious, and if
not for a shred of self-control he could still gather, he would have thrown up
at the very moment he set foot out the door.
The
anxiety he was feeling would have given rise to a terrible sense of panic, had
he not relied on the bit of control over his emotions, but every time he left
home he felt he was losing more and more power over his feelings. The scope of
the external space, the street lights, the headlights of the cars, the treble
bangs seemed to be distorted in a flurry of disconnected sounds and images in a
tapered twisted vision. He seemed to have lost his peripheral vision and
all he could see was a trail of elongated and blurred lights amid a deafening
roar, but what led his almost indomitable phobia to the limit were the people:
they were threatening. Ranny was terrified of them. He was scared of
being stepped on, kicked, mocked; but if he could choose, he would prefer to
have the feeling of rejection and indifference, though it also hurt him.
Anyway, he would rather be ignored by them rather than being observed in his
activities. Ranny felt difficulty performing any task if he felt someone was
watching him. So he carefully studied the way he should tread to avoid having
to ask for information or directions.
Ranny
breathed a bit and tried to be as fast as he could, preferring to go through
darker places and close the alleys, lanes or pathways, sneaking behind road
signs, bins, bus stops or any other obstacle that could serve as a possible
hiding place. Having breathed was of some help, and Ranny strode
interspersed with precise however winding jumps. He preferred to follow
his route obliquely, jumping from one corner to another to avoid coming across
anyone.
He was
almost arriving at Lepo's store of electronic trinkets, but he decided to stop
behind a bucket of debris to breathe a little more before entering, but that
was not a good idea. Ranny almost fainted when he felt something rubbing up
his back and a warm and wet sensation running his neck. He turned back terribly
scared to see what it was about and could see a huge face with exploring eyes
and a huge tongue dripping a thick, sticky saliva. Ranny had time to see
that it was just a curious dog that had licked the entire length of his spine
and sniffed all his body with an inquiring and cold snout. Ranny would
have urinated right there if he had not done that before leaving home, but he
managed to dodge from that wandering and stray dog, which seemed more to
satisfy his canine curiosity than causing him any harm. It was not difficult
for him to jump to a safer place, leaving that nosy and inquisitive animal to
find the way from which it was led astray.
He was,
in a way, relieved for getting at this stage. He was close to getting
in. He wanted to light a cigarette, but there was no one, and that would
also expose himself all the more. He was worried about not having cigarettes,
since he would never go into a bar to buy them. But his concern gave way to
some relief when he passed his hands to his chest and could grope the volume of
a pack of cigarettes still closed in one of his pockets. His idea of leaving
a pack hidden somewhere just in case worked out. Maybe some nicotine would
give him some encouragement to go on. He lit a cigarette and dragged it
so eagerly, that in less than a minute he had smoked more than half of it and felt
satisfied, dismissing the rest of it and speeding up to knock at the door
quickly.
Ranny
was rehearsing what to say; he did not want to act as a fool. He cleared his
throat and coughed and wanted to adopt a posture of someone who knew exactly
what to buy. He did not want someone else to think he was stupid,
indecisive or hesitant. He just wanted to buy what he needed, get out of there
as quickly as possible and return to his refuge.
It did
not take so long until Lepo opened the door, but his effusive welcome did not
make him feel calmer ̶ on the contrary.
Ranny knew Lepo only by the internet chats and had never seen him in person. He
froze when he saw that it was a hare. His heart raced, his breathing
became short and panting. Air was lacking and again he began to sweat. His
face was on fire. Ranny could not control himself and his whole body
trembled. He wanted to control himself, but when he saw that it was a hare, he
deeply regretted having left his house; he wanted to take a step back and go
away running or jumping, but he was
frozen, motionless, petrified. He could not express himself and was
speechless. He was always disconcerted whenever he first met someone.
Lepo was a tall and strong
hare. By the tone of his muscles, one could easily conclude he was an young
athletic guy and a lover of exercises. His well-maintained brown hair was
also an evidence that Lepo was a young guy who cared about his outlook and was somewhat
vain. Lepo was a lover of everything related to new technologies, pop
culture, adventure films, science fiction, comics, and RPG. His reddened eyes
widened, and his pupils dilated when he saw Ranny’s state of panic and
dread. Lepo hastened to bring him in, pulling him hard, since he imagined he
had been mugged or was going through some health problem. By his panting and
gasping breath, he imagined he could be suffering from an asthma attack and
then tried to welcome him.
Ranny
just could not speak. His cloudy thoughts and wheezing left him prostrate,
just trying to breathe and recover.
"But
what happened to you, man?" asked Lepo, with great expression of concern,
trying to find any seat to accommodate his virtual friend, with whom he had
exchanged hours of online conversations, but whom he had not yet personally met.
"Have
you been robbed? What happened?"
Ranny
could not summon the strength to speak.
"Calm
down, buddy, breathe a bit, sit here and relax. Whatever happened, you
are okay now," Lepo said in a firm and friendly voice.
Lepo’s sweet, soft and
gentle voice made Ranny recover some force and feel encouraged to come in and
be seated.
Ranny wanted to buy everything he needed quickly and get
out of there as quick as possible.
"Sorry,
Lepo, I was not feeling well; I was surprised with a dog that appeared along
the way," he tried to hide.
"I
understand, these dogs live in the wild and are usually meek. They are
always looking for some leftover food."
Lepo
could talk naturally in a voice so warm and soft, which could leave Ranny
calmer. His tone was relaxing. Lepo was a tall hare, with firm and
calm gestures, the same age as Ranny. His gentle and welcoming attitude was
soon making Ranny feel more at ease. But what calmed him down a bit were the electronic equipment. Ranny was gradually calming down and was distracted
with several of them. He would have them all if he could.
"Would
you like some water?" asked Lepo, placing both hands back and leaning
close to Ranny. Lepo looked at him carefully, lowered his face and tried
to see if Ranny had suffered an injury. His watchful eyes let Ranny
somewhat embarrassed. Lepo watched carefully, from top to bottom, as if searching
him with his eyes.
"You
have several games, right Lepo?" asked Ranny, feeling recovered, but
refusing the glass of water.
"Your
store is very well organized!"
"I
have a bit of everything. I don’t have the best products, but they are
good items. I need to have goods that meet both the pockets and the wishes
of the people. If I have expensive things, nobody buys them."
"But
how did you manage to organize this store, Lepo. You're still so young!
"
"You
know, Ranny, at the beginning it was very difficult: no one would help me. I
started selling things in a bag until I asked my parents if I could use this
old garage. At first they did not want, but later some things happened and
they had to change their mind."
"What
things, Lepo?"
"Oh,
never mind, Ranny, I don’t want - and I don’t like - to remember that period that
was so difficult and full of darkness to me, forget it."
Ranny's
thoughts were still confused, and he hardly remembered what he wanted to buy. He
thought for a moment and remembered the keyboard.
"Oh
yes," he stammered, "I'd like to take a very soft keyboard," he was
keen to stress, "and also a... also a... ah, yes, a laser pointer."
"Anything
else, Ranny?"
"If
I could I would take more things, Lepo, but I am short of cash."
"And
what else would you like to take?"
"I
think you might not have one. I always wanted to have virtual reality glasses, I’d
like so much to have one of those glasses," Ranny sighed, searching all
the shelves with his eyes and watching all the products on display: consoles,
video games, smartphones, monitors...
"Wow,
man, you have a whole collection of Star Wars action figures!" Ranny
Sighed.
"Yes,
and I also have many Lord of the Rings
toys."
Lepo
thought for a moment and said:
"Would
you like to have a virtual reality goggles?"
"Yes,
but I still have no money to buy one," he moaned dejectedly.
"Ranny,
you can have my collection of action figures and my toys too. I like them
very much, but I know it will be in good hands if you keep them," Lepo
said, with a lost look and his voice a little choked. "I'd really like you
to stay with them..."
"I
do not know if I can accept them, Lepo, you must have collected all of this with
great effort and care."
"I
know, Ranny, but I also need some more room here to put other goods, and I know
they will be in good hands. Right, Ranny, here is the keyboard, the letters are
large and the keys are soft. You told me you have tired vision, and this mechanical keyboard has large letters. It is the last one I have. I do not have
a laser pointer, but I have this keyholder with a well-focused laser."
"That’s
perfect, Lepo, that’s exactly what I need."
"It
is for your double slits experiment?"
"Yeah,
Lepo, I need to better understand this experiment - If anyone has ever been
able to understand it."
"So,
why do you need to understand this, Ranny, what does this have to do with the
search engine you are creating?"
"I
don’t know, maybe this will help me to understand. But a similar phenomenon
occurs with my experiences," he replied thoughtfully.
"What
do you mean, Ranny?" Lepo Insisted, placing a chair closer to Ranny and struggling to understand.
"I
mean, when I'm at the computer, watching the experiment, I get some result, but
if I move away from it, I can’t get any result."
"And
have you got some results?"
"I
got a few, but I was not sure if it was a coincidence or some sort of
interference. But today I'm sure I got a message. "
"And
where is the message from, Ranny?"
"I
do not know about that yet, but certainly from some corner of the universe or from
another dimension."
"How
interesting, Ranny! You know, I always say that the universe speaks to us all
the time, through everything: maybe a song, a flower, a still lake, an animal,
the sound of rain and even by a person," he joked, “except I think it speaks
softly, and we have to pay close attention to what it’s trying to say. But
I'm curious to know what message you received.”
"Before
I left home, Lepo, I tried again, and there
came out a strange message."
"What
message? Tell me, dude, tell me... "
"The
message was: ME PHOBEISTHE."
"And
what does it mean?" Lepo asked, widening his eyes, rubbing his chin and
ruffling the two huge ears.
Ranny
noted the Lepo’s interest and replied, watching the movement of his long ears:
"I
still don’t know, Lepo, it doesn’t seem a strange expression to me, it looks
familiar, but I don’t remember seeing anything like that in the languages I
know. I put those terms in some regular search engines, not mine, and I
had no time to see the results. I will do this as soon as I go back,"
said Ranny, pausing.
"Unless
..." he thought for a while, "I should transliterate those Latin
letters to several other alphabets. That's it, Lepo, I’ll do that right away
when I return."
"So
tell me what you find out. Now I am curious. "
"I
will, Lepo. If I can make it out, you will be the first one to know."
"Ranny,
I want to show you something, man. I think you'll enjoy it".
"What
is it, Lepo?"
"You
want a virtual reality goggles, right?"
"Yes,
I have always wanted one, Lepo."
"So,
man, you can make one yourself."
"How
is it, Lepo?" Ranny got interested.
"Look,
you can download a template yourself, cut a cardboard plate and insert the
lenses. Then you will be able to play games in a virtual reality environment: everything
in 3D. Also, just imagine: you will be able to travel throughout space, inside
the human body, see theaters and museums and interact with people - everything virtual.
"
Ranny
was very thoughtful and became interested in the proposal.
"Wait,
Ranny, I have a mold downloaded here, want to try to make one?" Lepo asked,
making a sign with his thumbs up and rubbing his hands. Lepo bent down and
picked up a folder, took some papers, scissors and glue and put them on the
counter.
"Would
you like to try to make one, Ranny?"
"How
is it?"
"You
just have to cut along the dotted lines and then paste and fold everything. It's
a piece of cake."
Ranny
scratched his head and thought for a moment. He considered it a viable
proposition and began the task by cutting a cardboard strip, but he began to
tremble and gave up. He was nervous about being watched. Ranny fumbled and
nearly spoiled an entire strip. Lepo watched him with compassion, but did not
help him, though. Instead, he encouraged him to continue.
"Come
on, Ranny, you can do that, just be careful to cut along the dotted
lines," Lepo said, with a voice almost monotonous.
"But
don’t we need lenses, Lepo?"
"True,
but I want to give you the lenses, Ranny, don’t worry. Once we are through, we can
insert the lenses and everything will be ready."
Ranny
felt challenged to finish the job, but was surprised with Lepo’s kindness and
became suspicious of his intentions. He just didn’t understand why Lepo
was becoming increasingly gentle and thought maybe he was just trying to sell some more products.
"So,
you mean I’ll be able to interact with people without having contact with them?
That would be too good, too good! "
"Yep,
Lepo, you can create an avatar, you can chat with anyone from anywhere in the
world, and also play games."
"I
would like so much to be able to interact with people in this way, Lepo, I
dream about that; that's all I
want," Ranny sighed with a distant and lost look.
"Why
do you want to interact with people in this way, Ranny?"
"I
think I can trust you, Lepo. You are a nice guy. I think I can open
up to you."
"Sure
you can, Ranny."
"You
know, Lepo, I'm afraid of people, I fear, I panic, I have a real phobia. I
just can’t interact with them,” Ranny said with his eyes filled with tears.
"Don’t
you like people, Ranny?"
"That's
not it, is not it. Actually, what I feel for them is a mixture of love and
fear. It could be summarized this way: a strong desire to be accepted and
a strong fear of being rejected by them. So if I had one of these glasses I
could go anywhere virtually. I could talk to people, interact with them without
worry."
Lepo
leaned back in his chair, rested his face in his right hand, inhaled all the
air he could and thought for a moment. He did not know what to say.
"Have
you always felt like this, Ranny, have you always felt this way?"
"Well,
when I was a kid I didn’t like team sports. I didn’t like to engage in
activities with other guys. I preferred things I could do alone, like riding a
skate board, flying a kite, jumping, reading… these kinds of things, but I didn’t
feel so afraid. People thought I was weirdo and played tricks on me. They
called me crazy toad, fromunda cheese toad, buster toad and liked to kick
me. But I didn’t care too much about that. I just got upset when they
called me toad. I'm not a toad, man, I'm a frog!"
"I
know what that's like, Ranny, I am also upset when people call me rabbit."
"But
when I was growing teenager, and started to understand more things, I was
very sad because of an episode."
"What
was it, Ranny?"
"Once,
I was practicing jumps on a trampoline, then a guy came up to me, interested in
what I was doing. He wanted to learn how to jump and wanted to talk and make
friends. He approached me with no fear, and we were just talking. Then his mother came over and said some things that hurt me a
lot. After that I became very sad and more restrained."
"And
what did she say, Ranny?"
"She
started to yell at him and said: 'Son, walk away this filthy toad! Don’t
you know that this creature is poisonous? Don’t you know if he pees in
your eyes, you'll go blind?'"
Lepo
merely jiggled his head from side to side in disapproval; his eyes filled with
tears, which he tried to wipe away, rubbing his eyes with both hands and
turning his head a little to the side.
"After
that," he continued, "I began to think that people did not like me at
all. I was convinced that I might be indeed
poisonous. Then I began avoiding people and thinking about that. I thought I
could harm them with some kind of venom I might have, and at the same time, I
thought people could also do me any harm because of my poison. So I was afraid
to do any harm to them, and afraid they’d treat me badly." Ranny tried to
explain, confused in his thoughts and embarrassed with the words.
"What
nonsense, Ranny. First, you are not a toad, you are a frog. Second, frogs
don’t have venom."
"Maybe
I am a kind of a poisonous frog, Lepo. But even so I could still go out and interact
with people. Then, there was a third thing," Ranny said with a
wistful look and a miserable face. His aspect changed and an expression of
distress and prostration transfigured his appearance.
"I
guess I should fold this mark, right, Lepo?"
"Exactly,
Ranny, this is the last folding; Now just paste it, but let's insert the
lenses," said Lepo, scratching his face.
"I
just have a doubt about the position of the lens, Ranny; I don’t know if there
is a lens for the right side and another
for the left one, but let's try it anyway; if that doesn’t work out, we reverse
it."
Once
the device was ready and well adjusted, Lepo fit the smartphone into the slots
and adjusted the apparatus on his nose and began to cry aloud, "Wow, wow, its
working, man, how nice, what an extraordinary thing; it’s as if you're there!”
"Let
me see, let me see, man." Ranny said with excitement, with a twinkle in his
eyes.
"Wait,
you need to install a program on your phone," Lepo said, taking the mobile
phone from Ranny’s hands and typing several words and pressing a few keys with
only two thumbs and in an unbelievable speed.
"Ready,
Ranny, now you can look."
Ranny adjusted
what appeared to be a square cardboard box on his face and began to turn his
head from side to side. He looked up and to the ground, bent his head and
dodged his body, as if he were about to be hit by some artifact.
"It's
too cool, Lepo, that’s extraordinary, what a beautiful setting! It appears
to be an abandoned house or a castle! Look, man, I can see a book on a table!
Look, man, there is a cliff and a garden outside there! You can see the sea and
a ship. Now I'm in a spaceship and I can see the planets and the galaxies. Man,
a comet has just passed by the ship!"
Ranny
and Lepo spent several minutes astonished with the result and testing several
virtual scenarios when Lepo put the experiment back on the counter and said:
"It's
yours, Ranny, I'm glad to hear that you liked it and that it will make your
life happier."
"Thank
you, Lepo, I don’t know how to thank
you, that's what I’ve always wanted."
"But
what was the third thing that made you more upset, Ranny?"
Ranny swallowed hard and
tried to find a line of thought while watching Lepo’s restless ears.
"When
I was about sixteen, almost seventeen, I heard that many hares were depressed
and sad; many of them were jumping into a lake. So I was thinking about that. Once,
it was dark and I was passing by the lake when I saw a thoughtful and sad hare.
He was crestfallen and down. So I approached him and tried to talk." Lepo
stopped stirring his ears and became interested in the subject.
"We
started talking, Lepo, and that hare was willing to jump into the lake: he said
his life was confused, things didn’t work out for him and that no matter how hard
he tried, it seemed that his life was shrouded by black and thick clouds and he
couldn’t understand anything or think straight. Then he said he could only
jump into the lake and put an end to that suffering."
Lepo
continued to listen carefully to every detail.
I
talked to him, I did everything I could to try to change his mind, but he was
inflexible. He said he had already taken that decision and was about to give
up everything. So I stretched my hand and managed to hold his arm. I didn’t
know what to do. He already had one foot on the cliff. I couldn’t’ hold
his arm. I was getting tired. I wanted to find arguments, I wanted to
speak, I wanted to have the strength enough to hold him, but I could only tell
him, 'Do not be afraid, do not be afraid, my friend', but he was slipping. Then
I remembered the lyrics of a very beautiful song. I wanted to sing for
that hare, but my voice was choked because I was nervous and tired and I could
only croak. So I could only speak part of the song, but I no longer could
stand it. Then my arms were smooth and wet and he slipped out of my hand. I
saw his body churning in the water. I saw his ears with black tips, spinning
into a kind of whirlpool and moving away. I dove into the water and tried
to swim, but when I took my head out of the water, he was gone in that water whirlpool
and I lost sight of him when he was getting near the waterfall.
"Lepo listened intently, with a look of
compassion and his eyes filled with tears."
"You know, Lepo, what hurts me most about this is that I feel guilty. I wasn’t a
professional and didn’t know how to handle it. I shouldn’t have been there that night.
Sometimes I wonder I should have held his
hand a little bit more, I should have had some more strength. Other times, I think I should
have talked more, or heard more. I let the
guy out, Lepo, and he was gone. I don’t even
know the guy's name. I never saw him again. He must have fallen into the waterfall", he
sentenced. Ranny was bathed in sweat and
trembling. His body had severe muscle
spasms and he struggled to continue.
"Sometimes
I wonder if I had the power to walk on water, I would have gone after him and
saved him."
Ranny
no longer refrained and began to cry compulsively.
Lepo was silent for a
moment. Afterwards, Ranny approached and held his hand. Ranny began to cry and
squirm in his chair. He wept bitterly and loud.
"Ranny,
I want to tell you something: you helped this guy."
"He's
gone, Lepo, I saw him being carried away by the stream and disappear in the
dark night."
"You
did help him, Ranny, you meant to save him."
"But
I couldn’t save the guy," he insisted, shaking the whole body and twisting
more and more, "the water took him away."
"Ranny,
you should not feel guilty about that."
"But
he was gone, and I should have done more..."
"Ranny, doctors cannot always save everyone, but they do their part. Can
you imagine if they gave up trying to save others?"
"All
I wanted was to be able to walk on water like Jesus Christ."
"Ranny, you could not walk on water, but you were able to perform other
miracles. And everybody is able to perform these miracles."
Ranny
wept bountifully and regained a bit of strength to ask:
"What
miracles?"
"Ranny,
you could not walk on water, like Christ, but you approached the hare, talked
to him, encouraged him and held out his hands, do you understand?"
"Yes,
but what are the miracles?" he insisted.
"The
miracle of approaching people when they are feeling in the darkness, the
miracle of speaking and talking with them, the miracle of encouraging them not to
be afraid and the miracle of reaching out, Ranny, and you did it all,"
Lepo said, holding his hands tightly.
"But
I couldn’t save that guy, Lepo, I failed, it did no good."
‘‘You’ve
made it indeed, Lepo, of course you’ve made it."
"How
can you be so sure about that?" Ranny asked, trying to control his sobs
and weeping bitterly. Warm tears rolled down from his swollen eyes.
"How
can you be sure?"
"Ranny,
relax a little, try to lean back in the chair," proposed Lepo, "stay
with your spine straight and breathe deep, you'll be all right. Do not be
afraid, man, I'm here with you. Hold my hand."
When
Lepo held Ranny by his hand, he revived the whole episode with the hare and
lost total control of his feelings. This time, he threw himself face down on
the floor and could only cry.
Lepo thought it was best to say nothing and let Ranny unburden his feelings. After
a few minutes, Lepo resumed the dialogue and said:
"Ranny, put a hand on your chest and another in the diaphragm and breathe well.
Come on, man, breathe very deeply. Now hold your breath for a few seconds
and exhale very smoothly. You will feel good, man, trust me, I'm here with
you."
Ranny
slowly began to recover after these cathartic moments. His breathing seemed to
have returned to normal and he whispered:
"I
couldn’t save him, I couldn’t save him, and he was gone ..."
"Ranny,
I want to tell you one more thing: you were not afraid and approached that hare
when all the other frogs were afraid and turned away..."
Ranny
interrupted again and continued:
"I
didn’t have the strength, I couldn’t make it, I failed, he was gone and I couldn’t
save him."
"You
could, Ranny, you saved him too." Lepo insisted.
"And how can you be so sure, Lepo?"
"Because I am that hare, Ranny, I am the hare you reached out."
This
time it was Lepo who started crying nonstop." I was the hare you tried to
save."
Ranny
was dumbfounded and perplexed.
"And
how do you know I am the one who saved you?"
"I
think you can remember the lyrics of this song, Ranny":
'I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my
way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It’s gonna be a bright sunshine
day’"
Ranny
stared at Lepo’s attentive ears and at his eyes, and in a gesture almost automatic,
continued quoting the lyrics":
"I think I can make it now, the pain is gone. All that bad
feelings have disappeared."
Then both
of them recited the sequence in unison:
"Here is the rainbow I’ve been praying for. It’s gonna be a bright
sunshine day!"
After
that, both hugged and cried for long minutes.
Both
were relieved. It was as if they had left to shed all sense of anguish,
bitterness and sadness.
Lepo
wiped his tears and packed the goods and the virtual cardboard glasses they had
made is a very nice package.
When
Ranny was about to leave, Lepo reminded him of the collection of toys and
action figures.
"Ranny,
now I will always be here. Before you go, remember when you told me not to
be afraid. Now I want you to think about that too. I know that in time you
will be able to overcome every fear, even if it takes a little time."
"I
know Lepo, but can you follow me home?"
"Of
course Ranny, I will always be around for all you need."
As
soon as Lepo left Ranny at the door of his house, he rushed in to see the
result of his research. He saw nothing out of the ordinary and was about
to finish everything when he remembered to transliterate the Latin letters into
other alphabets.
After
the transliteration, the research result had provided several matches, out of
which one caught Ranny’s attention:
"ME PHOBEISTHE -
detected language: Koine Greek." Meaning:
